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Why is life so hard?
momsingsandcantshutup

7 posts

Posted by momsingsandcantshutup on Nov 06, 2009 at 06:38 PM

     

"I can't win!" Seems to be my mantra lately.  I have been a hard worker my whole life.  My first marriage was a complete failure but had important life lessons, but I always had a good job, made good money and had a beautiful place to live... although we did not have any children, thankfully.

My second marriage is amazing.  I put  all those lessons to use and found my best friend.  We have had a beautiful baby girl and are very happy.  But for some reason, we keep having really hard times.  before I had the baby I wanted to make sure we would be ok, I accepted a higher paying position with better benefits (and a further commute).   I went back to work when she was 7 weeks old.  I wasn't quite healed yet and was having issues, but worked through them.   My mother inlaw was going to watch the baby, but my father inlaw suddenly became very ill.  I quickly discovered. I could not afford 9 out of 10 day cares.  I found that a neighbor had a daycare... and although it was affordable... I could not handle the cost.  Within one month, she got thrush, a cold, a virus, pink eye... they propped the bottle, which gave her gas.  There were so many children and distractions, she couldn't sleep or eat much.  She came home exhausted and starving every night. 

It was heartbreaking, I spent hours looking for an affordable day care, I posted ads, I interviewed people...(I was surprised at how many strange people there are on this planet and how they actually are allowed to watch other peoples children)  anyway, needless to say, I about reached the end of my tolerance of humanity, was frustrated beyond belief and didn't know what to do.  I made too much to qualify for assistance paying for a decent liscenced daycare, but did not make enough to afford it on my own. 

So working 40 hrs a week, commuting, and coming home to a sick child who had a worse day then me was hard.  But then, this wednesday, my great new boss let me go.  Now I was only at this job 6 weeks, quit my previous job to take this job and I may not qualify for unemployment.  There are not a lot of jobs out there...  and we were already broke... the baby is healing but we don't have the rent, or the this months bill money and to top it all off, I had to give my last two days pay to the sitter. 

I can't win.

 

 



Layla Young

Replies
11
mnewell0293

3716 posts

by 

 on Nov 06, 2009 at 06:47 PM

  

  

Momsings - so sorry to hear that hard times are hitting your home.  I do want to welcome you to MLM and I know that you will find comfort in the other moms here who can listen and be here for you. Things will turn around...everything happens for a reason!  Just believe in yourself and your family! Hang in there!

 

Just some suggestions:   are there any food pantries around you? if so, that might be a temporary help for sure. . Talk to your landlord and maybe he/she can work with you. Is there anything you can "down grade" on?

 

Just some thoughts...



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1luv2

5440 posts

by 

 on Nov 06, 2009 at 06:53 PM

  

  

Oh I can relate on those hard times...but soon enough, hopefully sooner than later things will turn around. Like Mnewell said, everything happens for a reason....and even though you might not know what that reason is just yet, it will come to you. I don't know where you are located but another mom on this site started a thread called "Let's Network", and I know that it was mentioned in there for other moms to post when they know that  there jobs are looking to hire new people.  I will find the post for you and get you the link. 

 

Either way, WELCOME to the site.  Sorry hard times has brought you to us but I know that if you give us a chance you will find a bunch a great moms, some who can relate and no-one will judge you.  You can use us to vent, or whatever ANYTIME!!



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1luv2

5440 posts

by 

 on Nov 06, 2009 at 06:58 PM

  

  

Click here for that  thread I mentioned.  Good Luck!!



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AcatnamedEaster

2398 posts

by 

 on Nov 06, 2009 at 07:29 PM

  

  

*hugs* Mamasings, I'm so sorry to hear what your family is going through, losing a job is tough in the best of times but when you're living paycheck to paycheck it's devastating.  I echo MN's suggestion of looking for help locally while you look for other employment, it's not easy to do but it's the reason those services are available. Your landlord will more than likely be able to work on a payment plan with you with regards to the rent. Call them asap!



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HOPEFULinNY

8439 posts

by 

 on Nov 06, 2009 at 08:14 PM

  

  

Mamasings...so sorry to hear about all you are going through right now.  I agree with Melissa...and 1Luv.  Reach out for help in any way you can--as I am sure most people would understand your hard times than you realize.  Perhaps you can also find work on the network link on here as well.  I hope things turn around for you soon, as I can imagine how stressful it must be for all of you.  I also agree things happen for a reason, and feel in the end, things have a way of working themselves out.  My DH is a perfect example of this....  Wishing you luck--we are  here for you....



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mytwoluvs0709

951 posts

by 

 on Nov 06, 2009 at 08:40 PM

  

  

I am so sorry you are going through this! The only advice I can give you is, it will not always be like this forever! We have been in the same position as you! In life you have your ups and downs! The first two years of marrieage were terrible for us! We went through so many trials. We now look back and just sigh, we are no longer there! Although you will have trouble thoughout life, every trial will make you stronger! Every trial teaches you how to get through the next trial juat a little bit easier!

 Did you ever look up the goverment program called WICK? My friend is on it. It supplies milk, cheese bread, formula, diapers for pregnant women and children up to 5 years of age!! I will get all the info for you tomorrow! I will call my friend and get the details! My friend makes a good income and is still on this program! It may help take the edge off of things!



When life gets to hard to stand, kneel ( prayer)!

Mom of two precious, God sent gifts, Madelyn and Noah,

Denae

  

momsingsandcantshutup

7 posts

by 

 on Nov 07, 2009 at 04:28 AM

  

  

Thank you all so much, your responses are very encouraging. I am currently on WIC, I qualified while I was pregnant and it helps immeasurably.  I have never gone on any programs before.  Like I said I've ALWAYS worked, and hard too.  I can make decent money, but it was the getting behind that hurt, they cut my husbands hours about 6 months ago and they haven't raised them yet.  The obstacles lately have been mounting medical bills and he needs dental work, we had no dental insurance so when I got the new job, that was one of the percs, they had great health and dental. 

I know that its not forever, just for now, but the now... is really scary.  I love my baby girl so much, and she is SUCH a good baby.   What a blessing, totally worth the wait.  I just wanted her to have a better start than I did, and I find myself trying to figure out ways to go without to give to her.

My landlord is going to have to work with us, I don't think you can evict a family with a newborn. But they've been good to deal with, and we always paid on time.  Besides they have so much money, they don't even cash our check till almost the time the next rent is due.  So hopefully that will buy us some time.

I've been trying to find anything, when I was younger I was a nanny and when I was in college, I did a lot of house cleaning, so I have several skills that  I can use, but my extensive medical billing background is what gets me the higher paying jobs.  But I have seen a huge decline in my field since about Sept 08. 

I was actually thinking about going back to school to get my degree in an unrelated field (but one I've always been interested in)  I guess I will see where the road leads.  I'm actually really thankful, that I don't have to take the baby to that daycare again, and have really enjoyed this time with her.  She's so beautiful and loving.   What a priviledge.



Layla Young

  

Mama3m

2546 posts

by 

 on Nov 07, 2009 at 07:43 AM

  

  

Momsings, have you thought about turning your daycare problem into a business? Could you stay home with your daughter and possibly watch another child or two? There is another mom on this site who has made that work for her, maybe she wants to pipe in here.

I do have to agree with everyone else here - things may seem bad but when you look back hopefully it will be just a brief spot of stress in an otherwise happy life. Sometimes bad things happen to good people, just know that your new friends on MLM are here for advice, support, or whatever you need.

 



Emily = Em = 3m 

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LilAngels2

276 posts

by 

 on Nov 07, 2009 at 08:06 AM

  

  

I agree with Mama3m's suggestion. I watched a little boy the same age as my older DS for almost 3 years full time, it was great companionship for my DS and a great extra income. Also great for the other child, because as an infant, he got a lot of one-on-one time. At least it's another avenue to explore!

The tough times will definitely make you, and your marriage, stronger, but it's hard to take any comfort in that when you're right in the middle of it. We have been there and I truly sympathize. Sounds like your landlord might be able to work with you, so that plus the WIC will hopefully take a little weight off your shoulders! There is also HEAP, to help with heating costs, I think they just raised the income limits for that. And look into Child Health Plus if your daughter needs insurance. A friend of mine works for a Catholic Charities organization that helps families apply for all of these programs, and there is a lot out there that can help you get back on your feet. Good luck!

  

HOPEFULinNY

8439 posts

by 

 on Nov 07, 2009 at 08:52 AM

  

  

I agree with mama3m as well--my sister watches my DD, and though she does not charge me much, it's extra income for a SAHM.  I have always told her she should take in some kids for a nice income--and we toyed with opening a daycare before I got my current job.  It can be a good source of money, and I know you could charge far more than my sister, and not have to worry about daycare expenses for your own child.



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